Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Nymphomaniac Review

whispers B (Sophie Kennedy Clark), best girlfriend to the highly sex-driven Joe (Stacy Martin). B is serious. Joe knows it’s a joke. As they traipse through their late adolescence having as much as sex as possible with willing men, a project that’s part camaraderie and occasionally a contest for the young women, B eventually falls away from Joe when sentimentality enters the realm of their non-stop conquest agenda. And Joe’s fine with this. She’s got more men to hunt down and subdue.

Adult Joe (Charlotte Gainsbourg) narrates this story after she’s found lying unconscious and bleeding in an alley by meek, intellectual Seligman (Stellan Skarsgard). He brings her home to his book-filled yet otherwise drab flat, gives her a cup of tea, puts her to bed to recover, then listens to her recount her development, from childhood to present injured state, as an unmediated "nymphomaniac." While she recounts the way sex has informed her philosophy, numbed her body, damaged her family, compensated her and pushed her past the diagnoses and interventions of outsiders, Seligman interrupts Joe to digress on analogous subjects like fly-fishing, musical theories of dissonance, Fibonacci numbers, the great East-West schism in the medieval Christian Church, weaponry, blasphemy and celibacy. He’s both the best and worst listener a compulsively sexual storyteller could ask for.

Joe’s men (Shia LaBeouf, Hugo Speer) come and go. A scorned wife (the monstrously wild Uma Thurman) crashes into it all for a quick minute to provide her three young sons with a good look at Joe’s

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Captain America: The Winter Soldier Review

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Ninetysomething and still faster than you, Steve Rogers/Captain America nevertheless encounters challenges specific to his unique circumstance. He’s adjusting to contemporary life by keeping a handwritten list of the American pop culture he missed during his Rip Van Winkle years.

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Dom Hemingway Review

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We meet master safecracker Dom Hemingway (Jude Law, beefed up and balding) naked, standing in a prison cell doorway, receiving sexual attention from another inmate. During this jailhouse power exchange, Dom motormouths the first of a film’s worth of ornate monologues, profane crime-speeches that feel like Guy Ritchie crashing an episode of Gilmore Girls. This particular rant is about the majesty of his own penis and it’s almost funny, much like Dom himself. Almost immediately afterward, Dom gets out of prison and, first order of business, sets about maiming the man who married his wife while he sat twelve years in the joint for not giving up his extremely dangerous boss (Demian Bechir, playing Russian, weirdly enough).

Over the next 100 minutes or so, writer-director Richard Shepard frames Law Danny Boyle-style, swooping and rushing and slow-motioning and hurling his loutish body through the air in car accidents set to operatic arias. Dom’s a sitcom Bronson, and his story of not-redemption is chopped into episodic chapters that, taken together, form a half-interesting character study of a criminal whose lack of self-awareness, cruelty, alcoholism, regret and cluelessness are matched only by his sheer dumb luck. As mishaps and bad decisions and manslaughters mount, the only shred of evidence that he's a human being and not a cartoon manufactured on a 3D printer is his mopey pining for the lost affection of his now-adult daughter (Emilia Clarke).

The downside to the glimmer of soul: it slows down Dom’s anti-goodness momentum. He’s an unapologetic bad man in a film that wants us to feel, at least when the

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Only Lovers Left Alive Review

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At this exact moment in pop culture history there is nothing more boring than being a vampire -- always tormented and misunderstood, always in a big fight with some other supernatural monster squad, always in love with the wrong non-vampire. Each new media incarnation feels the need to flip the script, forcing the blood-fueled into silly new mythologies about baseball and sunlight, enforcing the rigid code of model-hotness, desperately trying to make enough cultural noise and ignite the attention span of a weary, post-Twilight population.

Unless you’re Eve (Tilda Swinton) and Adam (Tom Hiddleston), that is, vampires under the directorial command of low-key/high-style weirdo Jim Jarmusch. Then everything is awesomer than Legos. Eve’s an impossibly chic jetsetter, turning heads as she stalks through nighttime Tangier. Adam’s a bit of a brooding art-hermit in the most bombed out part of Detroit. Together they’re into books (she can speed read all the languages), vintage guitars (he collects them and creates anonymous underground music highly sought after by sonic nerds), languorous sex, messy hairstyles, scratchy Wanda Jackson records, goofy disco videos on YouTube and sucking on blood popsicles that drop them slow-motionly into narcotic ecstasy. Eve scores

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Draft Day Review

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Will you get this movie's joke about Ryan Leaf? It’s fine if you don’t. I didn’t. I don’t follow football at all. My favorite Super Bowl was the one in 1996 when the Steelers played the Cowboys and I ignored it to go see Michael Mann’s Heat (helpful tip: always pick a dude movie on game day, you'll have the theater to yourself). And I’m from Texas and was living in Dallas at the time, so my resolve, as you can see, was strong. Of course, in all fairness to the Super Bowl, I also ignored the Academy Awards this year to go see an opera, so maybe I’m generally just not a joiner. But I do love North Dallas Forty (because it’s caustic), Big Fan (because Patton Oswalt is kind of heartbreaking in it), and Rudy (because I’m not made of stone).

Anyway, I had to Google poor, broken down Ryan Leaf to get the reference. But it was the only moment during the surprisingly decent Draft Day where I felt myself turn into a confused, head-cocked-to-one-side canine, and that’s good news for non-sport-minded moviegoers. It’s less a football film than a football-ish film, a fan-courting battle of wills starring the suits, scouts and CEOs who really run the show.

A little more than twelve hours are left until the NFL draft and Sonny Weaver (Kevin Costner, taking it easy), the general manager of the Cleveland Browns, is extremely busy. He has a losing streak on his hands and a strong desire to land incoming quarterback Bo Callahan (Josh Pence), the same college superstar every other team wants. Meanwhile, the Browns' own quarterback (Tom Welling) is demanding a chance to prove his worth; solid player Vontae Mack (Chadwick Boseman, 42’s Jackie Robinson) is begging to join the Browns himself; Sonny’s colleague Ali (Jennifer Garner) informs him that she’s pregnant with his baby and Sonny's mother (Ellen Burstyn, dominating her small amount of screen time like she’s trying to win her own Super Bowl ring) picks the worst possible moment to push Sonny into participating in a memorial for his estranged and recently deceased coaching legend father.

Frequently pushing Sonny’s personal life to the margins, director Ivan Reitman and screenwriters Scott Rothman and Rajiv Joseph focus on his desire for a respectable football legacy, as well as the power moves and cutthroat deals behind the draft’s scenes, all of which are infused with a healthy dose of ego from everyone involved. And that means a lot of extended sequences of people talking on the phone. And I mean a lot. To un-boring that less than cinematic situation as best he can, Reitman makes sure that characters are usually walking somewhere as they speak and that the frame is almost constantly wiping back and forth or split into halves and thirds like a masculinist Pillow Talk. You get used to it even if you never stop noticing its gimmicky presence.

Comparisons to the darker, superior Moneyball are inevitable, as are complaints about the film’s eager willingness to sidestep a lot of the uglier corporate aspects of professional sports. But that was never on this story's mind in the first place. It just loves the game. So call it wishful and idealistic and nobody will really mind; it lives in a fan-loving universe where goodness and team spirit are legitimate currency and underdogs get a real shot, kind of like if Rudy grew up to study stats and negotiate salary caps.

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Rio 2 Review

that’s close enough.

A sequel to something like this just needs more stuff packed into it. So more stuff is packed into Rio 2, both the good and the you’ll-never-remember-it. Domesticated book-learnin’ Blu (the voice of Jesse Eisenberg) and his wife Jewel (Anne Hathaway) now have three baby birds of their own, live in a nice house, and know how to make pancake batter as well as how to operate spatulas, which is, I suppose, a step up from a diet of regurgitated worms. Naturally, this sort of suburban comfiness can only generate malaise, and that prompts the entire family to fly back into the wild. There they discover a huge flock of Blue Macaws like themselves, presided over by Jewel’s long lost father (Andy Garcia), a Great Santini-esque alpha male who never misses an opportunity to remind Blu that he’s soft.

The good-hearted, endangered species-minded humans from the last film (Rodrigo Santoro, Leslie Mann) hunt for their "lost" bird-friends, an illegal logging operation (

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Oculus Review

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, are you the mysterious malevolent entity that instigated a cruel spiral of madness, emotional disintegration, torture, murder, gross fingernail stuff, and the populating of our sweet upper middle class home with laser-eyed phantoms, or are you just the repository of transferred childhood psychological trauma and, sincerely, just some old mirror?

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